My name is James... I have worked in the adult entertainment industry for the last 7 years of my life under the name Erik Rhodes. I'm not sure how I ended up here, and I don't know how i have survived this long... all i do know is that it can a very lonely place and sometimes i need a blog to get shit off my chest. So take it or leave it... here it is.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Erik is larger than life… Basically the image of myself that is untouchable and seemingly, regardless of my job has it all together, confident and unafraid…
James, well…
One of my only close friends figured me out the first time he saw me… and ever since being introduced we have been really close… i guess cause he saw through the bullshit and saw James…he told me the story… he said the first time he saw me i was sitting on stage, behind the DJ, surrounded by the NYC socials and he said… “Look at him, he looks miserable”
Sure, i had probably snorted cocaine past the point of pleasure and was in awkward self conscience mode, yet regardless… i feel as if he saw through that, like he saw into my soul… he knew i was faking it. Not just at that moment, but at life.
James is lost and weak and desperate.
A family member at a recent gathering, behind my back called me “The Anti-Social One”… I laughed at it, but i understood it… i don’t know how to be myself anymore… trying to please myself and everyone else has made me into this…
this is how people end up and die alone.