Erik Rhodes: "A Romance with Misery": Archive

What seemed to impress you most about this trip, considering its the first thing you were willing to share, were named brand clothes. Not the museums, the famous walks, the fountains, the libraries, the people or even the food, just four bags of clothes, albeit nice, but still four bags of clothes. I think the world of you James and I think the world of your struggle in so much that one day I know you will triumph, but that picture just fell short of capturing what you are really all about. IMHO

What am i all about?

All you people get is a miserable depressed version of myself, that now you are stereotyping to have no other emotions, that i’m guess in your eyes cannot enjoy life, traveling, culture ext…

That’s bullshit…I have taken so many pictures in Milan and Paris that i don’t think Tumblr will let me post them all…And once in my life played that annoying tourist without a care of looking like one, just because i actually couldnt contain myself…

The pics of the bags and the scenery were to blatantly piss you guys off and it did just that…

But to sit there and say you understand ”my struggle” yet you can’t understand the high points in my life seems absurd… well, at least to me.

Jan 8, 20124 notes

Jan 7, 20127 notes

Jan 6, 20128 notes

Are you in Paris and then off to Milan because you are just taking in a vacation, trying something new for New Years or are you there for "business" related purposes? It would be a pity if you are there for the latter, because who wants to think about work when there is so much to see in such a short amount of time.

I have walked 25 miles in 2 days here in Paris. My legs are aching but each time i think i’m ready to give up the thrill of what i see, make it so worth the effort.

Jan 1, 2012

What is your new years resolution? ok, so your answer is probably "nothing" or something snarky, so I will rephase it... What specific step can you take to make things better in 2012? You may be too old, but I think you should join the military or pen an autobiography or travel and quit the biz all together.

I’m not sure the military would take me at someone approaching 30, with a long history of porn behind him but as of making my life better in the new year, well… I’m in Paris at the moment for the first time and it is breathe taking… after this i’m will be in Milan and i couldn’t be smiling more… so right now the approaching new year is looking pretty good…

Dec 30, 20113 notes

Then why do you only reply to the people insulting you? Maybe we're just prying but many of us have questions that are far less burdensome and much more interesting. Its your blog, post and reply to what you want instead of whatever you think you should be doing. I love when you share your experiences and interests with us but I hardly enjoy coming here anymore because it's just people bitching and you and you bitching back.

Well sometimes people wanna bitch and i’m in the mood to bitch back… but lately, i’m sorry, i just don’t wanna talk about all the drugs i been doing, i’m slightly embarrassed and ashamed. I thought i was at a place where i was kinda in control of things and lately i can’t function correctly… i feel like i’m gonna have a mental breakdown and honestly just don’t have the strength to deal with the critiques from the anonymous readers of this blog.

Dec 22, 20111 note

This was sent to me...

From the Midwest Discusssion your were the Topic in PSYCH 505

So, oddly enough your name or at least your stage name was brought up in my behavioral psych class. The Professor, a young and rather hot guy mentioned that gay men seem to criminalize their own behavior. He brought your name up and instructed us all to visit your blog. The content is very interesting, even though many of the people on here are cruel to you without knowing you don’t seem to lash out, I think it is cool that share your life with so many strangers. Next class our Prof. asked if were felt their was anything “Off” with your behavior. Aside from addiction which everyone has one it seems your are pretty normal. Porn aside, you create an image and a product you sell. At least to a bunch of graduate students the only thing we could think of recommending you was a slow release benzodiazapine and maybe a sleep study. Granted you might not take much from this but everyone in my little class thought that maybe they way you are living is ok. After all a blog is much like therapy. On the other hand most of us agreeing with you might just make us all screwed up. Perhaps you should take up psychology NYU has a great program. After all psych is just observing behaviors and it seems that you unknowingly do that. Just a thought.

P.S thanks to your blog my thesis has a more rounded and human element, you may not know it but you have helped me in a huge way and I wanted to say thank you. I was always taught that if you helped even one person than a person’s life was worth living

Wow, really?

Do you feel like someone is wasting your education…

The truth is that this blog has become watered down. A lot of what i’d like to say and talk about i now keep to myself… the only reason behind this, is to get away with a life that your class would possibly consider, screwed up. This blog has reached way to many people within my own personal life to keep up with whole “fuck my life” song and dance. Its draining to have to explain myself all the time to people i can give a fuck less about. The relief i once got from writing this blog has now been replace by the obvious… I am living the cliche pornstar life that everyone assumes i am and its disgusting. But i feel like i have no control of it anymore… Everyone keeps saying “you need to write a book”… Why? just to reiterate the same story been told a million times before… No thanks… and in all honestly it feels like the story is almost over anyways… maybe someone else can take what i leave and be inspired… because i have no inspiration left.

Dec 21, 20111 note

Do you realize that most of the people out there think you're really quite pathetic? Because, well, you really are. I'm only here making the point because thesword keeps posting your whining, harpy-like rants. So i thought I would go to the source and ask you to STFU if at all possible. At the very least get some serious help.

I know… its weird because i don’t think most of the shit i write is worthy of that type of attention but at the same time i know its not as boring as the same old recycled wanna be pornstars blogs and bullshit tweets these uncreative losers think anyone cares about.

I’m giving myself therapy, while they just confess all the disgusting details that make pornstars so unappealing while gracefully tap dancing around all the drugs, diseases and whoring that primarily makes up their lives. Why do you think when people meet these assholes in real life you’ll find out they are complete let downs? Fuck that… at least i offer a life at face value, no mask here… If that makes me pathetic well then i’m fine with that.

As for help… well this time of year… its just not possible. Your lucky i can even get myself to write this shit down, i’m not sure if it even makes sense and i just don’t have the attention span right now to care.

Fuck you and your Holidays… its all shit anyways… oh wait i forgot, let me sign up a gift registry on amazon so some of you jerk offs can send me gifts… yeah right… now thats pathetic. (Just like the Donate button on my old blog)… live and learn.

Dec 21, 20111 note

is it common for the 'actors' to be completely zoned out on set? do they provide you the substance of choice?? and how long do you reckon till you'll be doing bareback?

No… at least not anymore. These guys today are just happy to be there. I think i liked it better when you had more guys that were unpredictable… fucked up on drugs or looking to punch someone in the face. You’d meet a new model and kinda want to know his story and how he ended up in porn. These days you just assume all the models are whores and are only looking to get a pass with the gay community on the fact that in reality they are sluts.

Model: “I’m not a slut, i do porn”…

Random Observer: “oh, well that explains it”

You don’t know how many models i have come across that all say the same thing “well i’m a performer (dancer, actor, wannabe) and i really just enjoy sex, so doing porn just seemed natural.” I sit there and smile and think of the movie Magnolia… “what am i doing? I’m quietly judging you”

Funny coming from me, right? I don’t know where i get off but… it is what it is.

Provide a substance of choice?… I wish. I did actually just hear of some model recently having 2 grams of cocaine on set as part of his contract. Which i got really jealous over… But that’s not really my thing… OD’ing on anti anxiety medicine is more me and when i’m out… its seems like all i had to do was bring it up in a conversation at the gym for a random Bay Area gay, to drop off a few xanex bars at my hotel room. Thank god San Fran is so friendly… I’m sure this gentleman was thinking that his gesture would result in me just bending over for him, but i’m to classy for that… gimme the pills, now bounce, thanks a million. Don’t get me wrong… i’m far from the type that feels comfortable using anyone but at this point doing porn without some sort of meds to relax me just doesn’t seem possible anymore.

Bareback porn… uummmm… I’m sure i seem like i’m heading down that path huh? But no… i don’t foresee me destroying my image much worse than it already is.

Dec 8, 20114 notes

What do Rosebuds taste like ?

I have no clue… obviously you saw that… i didn’t even remember it until i saw pictures…

Its an art to be completely trashed without anyone noticing…

Dec 8, 20113 notes

Play

Dec 7, 2011

How do you live with yourself knowing that you have no real skills in life and people just use you for the way you look? By the way your taste in music sucks. Get over yourself because there are plenty of people who are worse off than you. You're just a cynical asshole playing the pity card. Once again, my question is how do you live with yourself?

Well i just glanced at your blog and it seems we are in the same boat.

Crying about your ex… blah blah blah… you hope he gets AIDS….

Doesn’t that seem to be the typical fag break-up “low blow”… I think every single one of my ex’s have said that to me…

I hope he responded to you saying something like… ” The big cock I sat on was completely worth getting AIDS from, instead of staying with you and having my asshole irritated one more day by your miserable baby dick”

If i were a spectator i would be laughing…

OH, but to answer your question…. How do i live with myself? Well its not every easy but laughing at people like you, at times, does put a smile on my face.

Dec 6, 20114 notes

You do realize that by describing your coming out story in the way that you did you only invite those with a prurient interest in you to comment on you sexually and further objectify you, rather than see you as James, a man with enough courage to admit to himself that he is gay? You "throw out bones" to your fans every now and then but even good intentions can have consequences. You know that you are far better than that? I would like to know how your friends and family reacted to your epiphany.

Of course, I figured writing something that graphic would provoke an unwelcome response… but honestly that’s how it happened… I remember it like i t was yesterday.

To bad i can’t go back to the specific moment and stop myself and say “James your disgusting, stop this now” and ever look back… what a different life i might have had.

Dec 6, 2011

Breathe D At Sea

Dec 5, 20112 notes

You said you believed you were straight, when did you realise your were gay?

KInda a funny story…

I was still with girlfriend at the time and towards the end of our relationship, during sex, i began fantasizing her twat was a guys ass… but even that, couldn’t make me cum… So of course, i would pretend to cum in her and go home for the night only to break out this one dildo i had bought, and fuck myself with it until it made me cum.

Now this went on for about a year… and not once did i think it was gay… UNTIL… this one night where i was really getting wild with myself and overly enjoying my dildo… that in the middle of it i stopped and had the epiphany… I said to myself “Holy shit James, your gay”

I stopped… and started to cry.

Dec 5, 201112 notes

A little fish in a big pond! This is highlarious...i wish i could just attach the link. go to you tube and search "johnny vs Evan Profile" and go to the 27 sec mark and start jackin' it hard! LMAO xoxo

That is to funny… I loved that hat…

Nov 30, 20111 note

Play

Nov 28, 20112 notes

Do you remember me? I remember you. I am around you all the time. I am god. I love you. I did not give you more than you can handle. Others would have OD'd by now. Have you?

Yes, i have… You obviously were not there.

Nov 22, 20114 notes

Were u d kinda guy in highschool who wud hide his homosexuality under the veneer of homphobia?

Nah. I really didnt come to terms with being gay until i was out of high school. Had plenty of GF’s and didn’t really have to hide anything, i honestly believed i was straight.

My twin brother and i tortured the gay kids in my high school. Which was weird when years later i ran into 2 of them while out at Limelight in the city… This one comes running up to me screaming “you have to be fucking kidding! You made my life hell”. To which i could only reply, “I’m sorry, i didnt know”… of course he forgave me then tried to hook up with me…typical fag.

Trust me i could sit here and say “it does get better” and be part of that retarded movement but no, i dont think it gets better, i just think after awhile you stop giving a fuck.

Nov 21, 20119 notes

hey dude, can you tell me how to use injectable tanning? do you use it every day? do you have to use it with the sun or a tan bed? any side effects? i'd appreciate hearing about your experience, thanks!

Use a 1cc syringe. I’d say thinnest gauge, length 1/2inch or under. Fill and inject .01 in your stomach, basically the same way you’d take GH… and do this everyday for the first week… i’d say about the 4th day in, go tanning… to help bring out the color… and from there its basically how dark you wanna get… finish the week out, then only one injection per week after that to maintain.

If you use more than the .01, which is like injecting a raindrop, i had serious stomach problems. Terrible heartburn and then for awhile i was consistently punking in the middle of the night and i didn’t know why until i stopped taking it…

I’m sure there all types of long term side effects that we dont even know of yet since its not even DFA approved…but hey, at least you’ll be tan.

Oh… and then it has a Viagra like effect to it… Your sex drive increases and you will defiantly notice your morning wood. I mean it was enough to sell me on it. A drug that makes me horny and tan… i’m in.

Of course now its fall/winter i have cut back… i hate trying to explain to people that i haven’t been on vacation.

Nov 21, 20113 notes

Erik Rhodes: "A Romance with Misery"

January 2012

16 posts

December 2011

11 posts

November 2011

20 posts